Skyrim For Pimps Timeline

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An incomplete and most likely inaccurate timeline of interactions between the main characters in Skyrim For Pimps. Please verify the information below.

Notes[edit]

  • Seasons 1 through 4 follow a linear timeline. The stories in season 5 and Season 6 run parallel to the previous four seasons.
  • Cock (Season 6) and S'oggy's (Season 5) timeline starts at the same time.[1]
  • S'oggy's story (Season 5) begins in medias res, in the middle of the story. The events leading up to Skooma Parley are flashbacks as S'oggy tells his story to Crotch. The story picks up in the episode, Skooma Parley and continues from there. The last three episodes of Season 5 is told by Paarthurnax after the events of Skooma Parley and are flashbacks to various parts of S'oggy's timeline.

Timeline in graphic form[edit]

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 bar:Fün from:start till:0300 shift:($dx,0)   text:Season 1
 bar:Fün from:0600  till:0900 shift:($dx,0)   text:Season 3
 bar:Fün from:0900  till:1100 shift:($dx,0)   text:Season 6
 bar:Fün from:1100  till:1300 shift:($dx,0)   text:Season 4
 bar:Fün from:1300  till:1400 shift:($dx,0)   text:S5E30
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 bar:Crotch from:0300  till:0600 shift:($dx,0)   text:Season 2
 bar:Crotch from:0900  till:1100 shift:($dx,0)   text:Season 4
 bar:Crotch from:1275  till:1300 shift:($dx,0)   text:S4E19
 bar:Crotch from:1300  till:1400 shift:($dx,0)   text:S5E30
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 text:| Fün joins the Dark Brotherhood and meets Astrid

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 text:| Fün heads to Markarth.

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 text:| S'oggy joins the Companions

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 text:| General Burnside joins S'oggy as his companion

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 text:| S'oggy visits J'zargo, sees Tolfdir's dead goats

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 text:| Cock is brought to Helgen and begins his path to defeating Goat Nibbler

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 text:| Cock gets back up, declares Skooma Parley

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</timeline>

Timeline in a table[edit]

Point of View Legend (Desktop Only)

Note: Colors are assigned arbitrarily.

The events on the same row are thought to be events that are essentially the same or events that are related to each other in both content and time.

Season 1 Season 5 Season 6
Fün's story starts S'oggy adventure in Skyrim begins Cock's story begins
In General Burnside, S'oggy meets a goblin and names it General Burnside. In Song of Mai Dik, Cock witnesses S'oggy and Mai Dik/General Burnside getting acquainted at the Bannered Mare
In Fun With Assassinations, Fün finds a Leg of Goat Roast on Beitild just after assassinating her. She gives the roast to Astrid as a present. In Crazed Courier, Cock gives the Leg of Goat Roast as charity from his inventory to Beitild just outside Iron-Breaker Mine in Dawnstar.
In After Sex With Aela, S'oggy goes to Club Obos for sex but finds the party over. (Paarthurnax's story) In Club Hobos, Cock goes to Club Obos to celebrate destroying evil and ends up having sex with an ugly lizard woman.
In Lover's Quarrel, Fün goes to Markarth for another Dark Brotherhood mission, this time she meets her contract, Muiri. In The Lich Dome, Cock, ashamed of his one night stand with a ugly "lizard," asks Fün outside Markarth to kill him.
In After Sex With Aela, S'oggy is still sexually frustrated with Aela and has sex with a cow. (Paarthurnax's story) In Drag 'N Rend, Cock witnesses a werewolf (S'oggy Balls) humping a Cow.
In Sex With Aela, S'oggy finds Cock fighting a dragon. After finishing off the dragon, Cock flies away from him. In Giant Chicken Army, Cock kills a dragon in front of S'oggy, who is amazed at his Dragonborn skills. Cock flies away thinking S'oggy is high on skooma.

In Werewolf Wedding Crasher, Fün Tits goes to Thieves Guild HQ to drop off an amulet for Delvin. Presumably, this is when she meets S'oggy Balls and receives the werewolf blood.

In When T*ts Met Balls, S'oggy Balls meets Fün Tits who was sent by Astrid to give an amulet to Delvin at the Thieves Guild HQ. S'oggy gives werewolf blood and Wuuthrad to her.

In Werewolf Wedding Crasher, Lydia stands at the entrance of the Thieves Guild like a gargoyle. In When T*ts Met Balls, General Burnside licks Gargoyle Lydia at the entrance of Thieves Guild.
In Werewolf Wedding Crasher, Fün turns into a werewolf to assassinate Victoria Vici at a wedding. In Fish Stick, S'oggy sees a werewolf murdering at a wedding.
Season 2
In A Pimp Goes to College, Crotch witnesses Tolfdir kill an innocent goat in their first field trip. In Invisible Man Job, S'oggy sees a dead goat by Winterhold, which he suspects was killed by a crazy wizard (Tolfdir).
In Main Quest Completed, Cock defeats Goat Nibbler (Alduin) completing the main storyline. The Ancient Traveler tells him to stop Fün Tits and Crotch Guzzler from destroying each other in the events of Double Dragonborn.
In Daedric Blind Date, Crotch graduates and decides to go to the Bannered Mare for a drink. He gets challenged by Sam Guevenne to a drinking contest and blacks out. In Playnord, S'oggy finds him walking the streets of Whiterun with Sam Guevenne and Lydia at his side. Crotch tells S'oggy about Ysolda and S'oggy encourages him to get married to her. S'oggy only gets introduced to Crotch as "Drunken Asshole" wearing the mask of Morokei.
In Crotch Gets Hitched, Crotch marries Ysolda in Riften. Two Khajiits can be seen, suspected to be S'oggy and his plus-one, Yura. In Ysolda Gets Hitched, S'oggy attends Crotch's wedding.
In Crotch vs Winterhold, Crotch kills everyone in the College of Winterhold.
In Crotch vs Winterhold, Crotch kills Hulda who owns the Bannered Mare so that his wife Ysolda can start running her business there. He closes out the season by placing Hulda's corpse on the fire.
Season 3
In Dawnguard Begins!, Fün leaves her cave and enters the Bannered Mare. She notices that there are some bodies roasting on the fire. She's looking to become a vampire so she can revive Astrid. This starts Season 3.
In When Tits Met Crotch, Crotch Guzzler is standing in the arcanium instead of Urag gro-Shub. Since Fün needs the Elder Scroll from Urag, she decides to strike up conversation with Crotch. She gains the key to Crotch's wife's house since the elder scroll is located there.
In How to Make Love to a Moth, Fün enters Ysolda's house to retrieve the Elder Scroll. She notices there are tons of skulls.
In The Fabulous Falmers, Fün obtains the ancient pancake recipe.
In Grudge Match of the Century, Fün shoots out the sun with Auriel's Bow and the world goes dark. In Skooma Face, S'oggy witnesses the world go dark and the sun blotching out. Even Ysolda notices. In Dark Sisterhood, Cock starts building Cock Tower to impress his gods. During construction, the sky goes black and the sun look like an anus.
In Walking the Dead, Fün asks Crotch to revive and retrieve Astrid and the Leg of Goat Roast for her ancient Pancake recipe. Crotch hesitantly agrees.
Season 4
In House of Crotch, Crotch builds a house for his family. In Dark Sisterhood, Crotch is seen building a house for his family.
In Skooma Face, S'oggy buys all the Skooma he can. This causes anarchy in the streets of Whiterun due to shortage. In Dark Sisterhood, S'oggy is smashing the people of Whiterun in the chaos caused by a Skooma shortage.
In Dark Sisterhood, Fün starts rebuilding the Dark Brotherhood.
In Skooma Face, S'oggy finds Crotch's journal detailing how he killed J'zargo (S'oggy's brother).
In Sex with George Lucas, Crotch finds the Aretino Spaghetti Plate (required for the Pancake) dumped with Lydia and a ton of sweetrolls. In Apple Assassin, Fün finds Lydia dead in her home. Fun decides to dump her body outside her house.
In Sex with George Lucas, Crotch kills most of the members of Thieves Guild after obtaining the blockbuster videos (ingredients for the Pancake). In Revenge of the Pu*s, S'oggy witnesses Crotch killing everyone in the Thieves Guild. S'oggy plants Skooma on Hroar and follows the scent back to Crotch's house.
In Pancake Apocalypse, Crotch notices that his pancakes have killed his wife and daughter. In Revenge of the Pu*s, S'oggy loots some stuff from Crotch's house including the Leg of Goat Roast and the mysterious Pancake and murdered Ysolda and her daughter.
In To Kill a Dragonborn, S'oggy tries to give the Leg of Goat Roast to Paarthurnax but he realizes that Astrid's soul is trapped in it. S'oggy feeds the pancake that he found in Crotch's house to Paarthurnax.
In To Kill a Dragonborn, S'oggy witnesses Crotch jumping off of a bridge at the college to commit suicide.
In To Kill a Dragonborn, Fün arrives at the college to get Crotch to fix up Astrid. Instead she meets S'oggy who thought of giving the Leg of Goat Roast to Fün decided against it.

In Quest For Skin, Fün arrives at the college to get a wizard (Crotch) to fix up Astrid. She instead meets S'oggy and has a conversation with him.

In To Kill a Dragonborn, Herman Melville gives Crotch a chance for revenge and gets sucked into its abyss. In Quest For Skin, Herman Melville gives Crotch a chance for him to get revenge and gets sucked into its abyss.
In Morrowind Sucks, Fün kills Ainethach and goes home to Whiterun. Astrid and Serana are dead and Fun starts the Dragonborn Questline. In Quest For Skin, Fün prepares to go into retirement and tie up the loose ends by killing Ainethach.
In Fear and Loathing in Skyrim, Cock goes on a sexual escapade and meets Frea and the Ancient Traveler along the way. The Ancient Traveler reminds Cock that he must stop Fün and Crotch from destroying each other on the Turdas coming up.
In Double Dragonborn, Fün fights Crotch but is stopped by Cock. In Search for Mai Dik, Cock stops the fight between Fün and Crotch.
In Double Dragonborn, Fün and Frea go on a booty shaking tour across Skyrim. In Soggyballs (Episode), S'oggy punches Cock Nibbler off of a cliff and starts telling his story to Crotch. In Search for Mai Dik, Cock Nibbler gets punched off of a cliff by masked S'oggy.
In Double Dragonborn, Fün and Frea continue their booty shaking tour across Skyrim. In Search for Mai Dik, General Burnside delivers a letter to Fün for S'oggy.
In To Kill a Dragonborn, Crotch realizes that S'oggy killed his family.
The events of Skooma Parley.
Paarthurnax tells stories about S'oggy's secrets in After Sex With Aela, Survival Horror Dungeon, and Who's Your Shadow Daddy?.

The events right after Skooma Parley, whatever that may be, is assumed to be the most current time in the Skyrim For Pimps Universe.

Timeline in bullet points[edit]

The following is a quick overview of the events in Skyrim For Pimps.

  • Fün starts the Dark Brotherhood Walkthrough in her quest for Shadowmere (Season 1) and wanders around Windhelm looking to get into the Dark Brotherhood. Meanwhile, S'oggy's heads to Skyrim and begins the Companions Walkthrough (Season 5) to prove to his brother J'zargo that he can be worthy without learning the expert level destruction spells. Around that time, Cock is brought to Helgen to be executed but Goat Nibbler (Alduin) interrupts him. Cock begins the Main Questline, defeating Goat Nibbler (Season 6).
  • Cock witnesses S'oggy meeting General Burnside at the Bannered Mare
  • Cock starts getting sidetracked and does favors for Saadia and his hobo friend Septimus.
  • Cock gives the Leg of Goat Roast as charity from his inventory to Beitild just outside Iron-Breaker Mine in Dawnstar. Fün finds a Leg of Goat Roast on Beitild just after assassinating her. She gives the roast to Astrid as a present.
  • Cock ends up trying to defeat the evil Mythic Dawn, starting the Agent of Righteous Might Walkthrough.
  • Cock defeats the Mythic Dawn ending the Agent of Righteous Might Walkthrough.
  • Cock goes to Club Obos to celebrate his win against the Mythic Dawn but ends up having sex with an ugly lizard woman. S'oggy not having being able to have sex with Aela, heads over to Club Obos but finds it empty.
  • Fün meets Cock. Fün heads to Markarth for another Dark Brotherhood mission, this time she meets her contract, Muiri. Cock, ashamed of his one night stand with a ugly "lizard," asks Fün Tits outside Markarth to kill him.
  • S'oggy not being able to enjoy Club Obos, heads over to the Pelagia Farm. Meanwhile Cock is summoned to the Game Society Pimps gods again. Once he returns back, Cock finds himself descending to the Pelagia farm where he witnesses S'oggy having sex with a cow.
  • Cock resumes the Main Questline.
  • S'oggy becomes the harbinger of the Companions, ending the Companions Walkthrough.
  • S'oggy meets Cock. After becoming the harbinger of the Companions, S'oggy heads off to Riften to join the Thieves Guild. On his way there, he finds Cock fighting a dragon. Cock kills a dragon in front of S'oggy, who is amazed at his Dragonborn skills. Cock flies away thinking S'oggy is high on skooma.
  • S'oggy starts the Thieves Guild Walkthrough.
  • S'oggy meets Fün. S'oggy talks to Fün who was sent by Astrid to give an amulet to Delvin at the Thieves Guild HQ. He gives werewolf blood and Wuuthrad to her.
  • Fün leaves Lydia standing like a gargoyle at the entrance of the Thieves Guild. General Burnside licks Lydia.
  • Fün turns into a werewolf to assassinate Victoria Vici at a wedding. S'oggy coming from Pelagius' crazy mind in the Blue Palace, comes across a werewolf tearing apart a wedding.
  • Fün obtains Shadowmere but loses Astrid. She assassinates the Emperor and decides to live in the cave with Astrid's Corpse. This ends Fün's Dark Brotherhood Walkthrough and Season 1.
  • Crotch begins his first day at the College of Winterhold, beginning the College of Winterhold Walkthrough and Season 2.
  • Crotch witnesses Tolfdir kill an innocent goat in their first field trip. Later, S'oggy who is visiting Winterhold to talk to Enthir, sees a dead goat by the city limits, which he suspects was killed by a crazy wizard (Tolfdir).
  • Around this time Cock finally defeats Goat Nibbler completing the Main Questline. The Ancient Traveler tells him to stop Fün Tits and Crotch Guzzler from destroying each other in the events of Double Dragonborn.
  • Crotch graduates and decides to go to the Bannered Mare for a drink. He gets challenged by Sam Guevenne to a drinking contest and blacks out. While Crotch was drunk, S'oggy finds him walking the streets of Whiterun with Sam Guevenne and Lydia at his side. Crotch tells S'oggy about Ysolda and S'oggy encourages him to get married to her. S'oggy only gets introduced to Crotch as "Drunken Asshole" wearing the mask of Morokei.
  • Crotch asks Ysolda to marry him and quickly arranges a wedding. Two Khajiits are attending the wedding, suspected to be S'oggy and his plus-one, Yura. After the wedding, Crotch (still wearing his mask) and S'oggy have a conversation. Before Crotch can reveal who he really is and tell S'oggy his name, Yura starts clapping her hand and embarrass S'oggy. Feeling awkward, Crotch leaves.
  • Fed up with his experience at college, Crotch finds the most powerful spell and kills everyone at the College of Winterhold. Crotch then kills Hulda who owns the Bannered Mare so that his wife Ysolda can start running her business there. He closes out the season by placing Hulda's corpse on the fire. Crotch completes the College of Winterhold Walkthrough and Season 2 ends. Meanwhile, Fün leaves her cave and enters the Bannered Mare. She notices that there are some bodies roasting on the fire. She's looking to become a vampire so she can revive Astrid. This starts Fün's Dawnguard Walkthrough and Season 3.
  • S'oggy finishes the Thieves Guild Walkthrough.
  • S'oggy starts the Moonpath to Elsweyr Walkthrough.
  • Crotch meets Fün. Crotch Guzzler is standing in the arcanium instead of Urag gro-Shub. Since Fün needs the Elder Scroll from Urag, she decides to strike up conversation with Crotch. She gains the key to Crotch's wife's house since the elder scroll is located there.
  • Fün enter's Ysolda's house to get the elder scroll
  • Fün obtains the ancient pancake recipe
  • S'oggy finishes the Moothpath to Elseweyr Walkthrough.
  • Fün shoots the sun out of the sky with Auriel's Bow, turning the sky blood red. S'oggy witnesses the world go dark and the sun blotching out. Cock also sees the sun turn red. He claims this looks like a gaping anus.
  • Fün meets Crotch again. Fün asks Crotch to revive and retrieve Astrid and the Leg of Goat Roast for her ancient Pancake recipe. Crotch hesitantly agrees.
  • Fün finishes the Dawnguard Walkthrough. Season 3 ends.
  • Crotch moves out of Whiterun. Crotch builds a house for his family starting the Heathfire Walkthrough and Season 4.
  • S'oggy buys up all the skooma in Whiterun causing anarchy. Noticing Whiterun devolving, Fün leaves for Dawnstar to revive the Dark Brotherhood. This starts Fün's Dark Brotherhood Resurrection Walkthrough.
  • Later as Fün does mission for the Dark Brotherhood, Cock continues to build his Tower, and Crotch finishes building his house and starts adventuring to make his pancake, S'oggy discovers Crotch's journal detailing that he killed J'zargo.
  • Fün finds Lydia dead from eating too many sweetrolls. She dumps Lydia's body in a dumpster. Later, Crotch finds the Aretino Spaghetti Plate (required for the Pancake) dumped with Lydia and a ton of sweetrolls.
  • S'oggy witnesses Crotch killing members of the Thieves Guild for his pancake recipe. S'oggy plants Skooma on Hroar and follows the scent first to Crabber's Shanty where Crotch gathered his Worcestershire sauce and then back to Crotch's house.
  • Meanwhile, Crotch gets the Ancient Traveler's skull as decor for the table when he serves his pancakes. Unfortunately, neither his wife or his daughter is hungry, so he places the pancakes next to their beds for them to eat in the morning. S'oggy having followed Crotch back to his house, kills Crotch's family in their sleep for revenge and takes the pancakes and the leg of goat roast he found in the cellar. Crotch wakes up to find his family dead and blames it on the pancakes.
  • S'oggy interacts with Paarthurnax. S'oggy tries to give the Leg of Goat Roast to Paarthurnax but he realizes that Astrid's soul is trapped in it. S'oggy feeds the pancake that he found in Crotch's house to Paarthurnax.
  • S'oggy witnesses Crotch jumping off of a bridge at the College of Winterhold. Heathfire Walkthrough ends. Meanwhile Fün arrives seeking out Crotch but has a conversation with S'oggy instead. Fün leaves, making fun of S'oggy.
  • S'oggy witnesses Crotch talking to an abyss. Herman Melville gives Crotch a chance for revenge and gets sucked into its abyss.
  • Fün completes the Dark Brotherhood Resurrection Walkthrough.
  • Having restored the Dark Brotherhood, Fün prepares to go into retirement and tie up the loose ends by killing Ainethach. Fün kills Ainethach and goes home to Whiterun. Astrid and Serana are dead and Fün leaves for Solstheim to get revenge on Miraak who sent his underlings to kill her two lovers. This starts the Dragonborn Walkthrough.
  • Cock finishes building Cock Tower but the gods still have not answered his prayers. He starts doing drugs and goes on a sexual escapade. His drugs soon run out and he heads over to Solstheim to acquire more. He then immediately takes the drugs and goes to the closest village. He then drugs Frea and has sex with her. Fün who had been accompanying Frea had left for Library Land. After finishing, Cock is visited by the Ancient Traveler who is successful in getting Cock out of his trance. He tells Cock that it is the third Turdas of the third month and he must go to Libaray Land as promised to stop Fün and Crotch's fight to the death.
  • Fün had discovered that Miraak was in fact Crotch who had built Library Land in order to get revenge on her. Fün, just as mad that Crotch had killed her lovers, starts fighting. Meanwhile, Cock decides he must become a hero and heads to Library Land to Stop Fün and Crotch's fight to the death.
  • Cock successfully convinces Fün to give up trying to get revenge by offering her Frea who had been drugged up by Cock earlier. Fün decides she'll take Frea on a booty shaking tour across Skyrim. This ends Fün's Dragonborn Walkthrough and Season 4.
  • Meanwhile Cock takes Crotch over to Cock Tower but is interrupted by S'oggy. S'oggy punches Cock Nibbler off of a cliff and starts telling his story to Crotch. Season 5 starts here in medias res.
  • While S'oggy tells his long story, he has his companion General Burnside deliver a letter to Fün who has been found dancing across Skyrim. The letter explained that Fün must help him fight Crotch if she ever wanted the leg of goat roast back.
  • During S'oggy's long story, Crotch realizes that S'oggy was the one who killed his family and not the pancakes Fün encouraged him to make. Crotch becomes furious with S'oggy but has him finish his story.
  • Right as the story ended Fün came to hold her end of the bargain. Cock climbs back up the cliff invokes a Skooma Parley. S'oggy and Cock ends up dead. Crotch is unknown.

The events right after Skooma Parley, whatever that may be, is assumed to be the most current time in the Skyrim For Pimps Universe.

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